Taking Ground | Week 6
Day 4
“…be patient, bearing with one another in love.” — Ephesians 4:2c
By the time Paul reaches this phrase, he is no longer speaking about momentary reactions. He is speaking about endurance. Humility shapes the heart. Gentleness shapes our responses. But bearing with one another in love shapes the long road of marriage.
This is where covenant is tested.
Patience, in this passage, is not about waiting in line or tolerating inconvenience. The word Paul uses carries the idea of being long-tempered—having a long fuse. It is the ability to remain steady under pressure, especially pressure that comes from people we love.
Marriage requires this kind of patience because marriage exposes us to one another’s weaknesses over time. Not once. Not occasionally. Daily.
Longsuffering Is Not Passive
The King James Version uses the word longsuffering. That word may sound outdated, but its meaning is powerful. Longsuffering does not mean ignoring problems or pretending pain doesn’t exist. It means choosing restraint when provoked. It means refusing to retaliate quickly. It means staying engaged without becoming cruel.
In Scripture, this kind of patience is not praised because it is easy, but because it reflects God’s own character. God is described as slow to anger, rich in mercy, and patient toward His people. He bears with us far longer than we deserve.
When Paul calls married believers to bear with one another in love, he is calling them to mirror God’s posture toward them.
Love That Has a Long Fuse
This patience is deeply relational. It shows up in tone, timing, and tolerance. It looks like giving room for growth instead of demanding instant change. It looks like staying present instead of withdrawing when things get hard.
Paul is not asking couples to lower standards. He is asking them to lengthen their fuse.
Scripture tells us plainly that love is patient. Love does not keep score. Love does not rush judgment. Love does not punish quickly.
In marriage, impatience often masquerades as honesty or frustration. But impatience rarely produces growth. It produces fear, resentment, or shutdown.
Why Covenant Marriages Are So Rare
If patience is so central to love, why is it so rare to see covenant marriages endure?
The answer is uncomfortable but simple: we won’t become one flesh if we refuse to die to our flesh.
The flesh wants immediate gratification. It wants comfort now. It wants relief now. It wants its own way now. And marriage relentlessly confronts that.
Becoming one flesh requires sacrifice. It requires restraint. It requires dying to the impulse to put self first. And that kind of dying does not happen accidentally.
Many couples struggle not because they have unique problems, but because they are unwilling to surrender deeply enough to become one.
Killing the Flesh Is a Daily Work
The flesh does not know where the brakes are. It does not stop on its own. It must be disciplined. It must be denied. It must be starved.
This is true spiritually, emotionally, and practically. That’s why Scripture consistently connects patience and self-control to the work of the Holy Spirit. These are not personality traits; they are spiritual fruit.
Killing the flesh is not just about avoiding sin. It is about retraining desire. It is about renewing the mind daily with God’s Word so that instinct no longer rules the heart.
Marriage becomes exhausting when two people insist on feeding their flesh instead of disciplining it.
What Bearing With One Another Looks Like
Sometimes bearing with one another means limiting personal freedoms for the sake of unity. Sometimes it looks like setting boundaries that protect the marriage. Sometimes it looks like choosing restraint rather than indulgence.
There are moments in covenant marriage where love says, “I will gladly lay this down for your sake.” That kind of love reflects oneness.
Patience also means recognizing that growth is often slower than we want it to be. God works on timelines that frustrate us. He shapes character gradually. And marriage requires us to walk alongside one another during that slow, sometimes painful process.
The Real Problem Beneath the Problems
It’s easy to label surface-level issues: anger, money, addiction, communication, family dynamics. Those are real struggles. But Scripture keeps pressing us deeper.
Very often, those problems are not the root issue. They are symptoms.
Beneath many marital struggles is a deeper battle with the flesh—a resistance to surrender, discipline, and daily renewal. Until that battle is addressed, new problems will simply replace old ones.
This is why Paul anchors patience in love. Love endures because it is rooted in something stronger than comfort. It is rooted in covenant.
Patience That Reflects God
God’s patience toward us is not passive. It is purposeful. He bears with us so that we might be transformed. When that same patience shapes a marriage, it creates space for repentance, healing, and growth.
Bearing with one another in love does not mean settling for dysfunction. It means refusing to abandon one another in the process of change.
Marriage takes ground when patience outlasts pressure—when love absorbs strain without breaking relationship.
Paul knows unity cannot survive without this kind of patience. Covenant cannot endure without longsuffering love. And marriage cannot reflect Christ unless couples learn how to bear the weight together.
