Taking Ground | Week 6

Day 5

“…bearing with one another in love.” — Ephesians 4:2c

There is a reason Paul’s call to patience comes wrapped in the language of love. He knows something about us. He knows that the greatest enemy of covenant is not conflict—it is the flesh.

Most couples can endure a bad season. What they struggle to endure is sustained self-denial. And yet, Scripture is clear: we will never become one flesh if we refuse to put our flesh to death.

This is where covenant marriage becomes rare. Not because people don’t love each other, but because they love themselves more.

The Flesh Always Wants Its Way

The flesh is not neutral. It is not cooperative. It does not slow down on its own, and it does not respond to good intentions. The flesh wants comfort, control, relief, and gratification—now.

That’s why patience feels so unnatural. That’s why sacrifice feels so costly. That’s why covenant feels heavy in a culture that celebrates convenience.

Paul describes the flesh as something that must be put to death. Not managed. Not negotiated with. Not occasionally restrained. Put to death.

Marriage confronts the flesh daily because marriage requires shared life. Shared schedules. Shared finances. Shared decisions. Shared weaknesses. And the flesh resists sharing.

One Flesh Requires Death to Self

Scripture describes marriage as two becoming one flesh. That is not poetic language—it is spiritual reality. But oneness is impossible without surrender.

You cannot become one while clinging tightly to your preferences, your habits, your freedoms, and your comforts. Oneness requires laying things down. Sometimes willingly. Sometimes painfully.

This is where true covenant love shows itself—not in romance, but in restraint.

Sometimes becoming one flesh looks like choosing limits for the sake of unity. Sometimes it looks like saying no to something you enjoy because it threatens something you value more. Sometimes it looks like adjusting your life so your spouse can heal, grow, or remain free.

That kind of love is not dramatic. It is faithful.

The Flesh Problem Beneath the Surface

We often label our struggles by their symptoms: anger problems, money problems, addiction problems, communication problems, family problems. Those struggles are real, but they are rarely the root issue.

More often than not, the deeper issue is a flesh problem.

The flesh resists discipline. It resists accountability. It resists submission to God’s Word. And until the flesh is addressed, new problems will simply replace old ones.

This is why Paul consistently connects spiritual growth to daily surrender. You cannot say you want a strong marriage while neglecting the very practices that strengthen your spirit.

Killing the Flesh Is Practical

Putting the flesh to death is not abstract or mystical. It is practical and intentional.

It looks like boundaries that protect the marriage.
It looks like structure that limits impulse.
It looks like renewing the mind daily with Scripture.
It looks like habits that form discipline rather than indulgence.

This applies to finances, time, media, speech, and priorities. The flesh thrives in unguarded spaces. Covenant requires guardrails.

Renewing the mind is not optional. It is how the Spirit gains ground. Time with God reshapes desire. His Word reorders love. Without that renewal, the flesh always wins.

The Spirit Produces What the Flesh Cannot

Paul reminds us that patience, self-control, and love are fruits of the Spirit—not products of effort alone. You cannot starve the flesh without feeding the Spirit.

Marriage grows stronger when both spouses commit not just to each other, but to the daily discipline of walking with God. This is where real power comes from—not from trying harder, but from surrendering deeper.

The flesh says, “I deserve this.”
The Spirit says, “I am content without it.”

The flesh says, “This is who I am.”
The Spirit says, “You are being made new.”

Covenant Is Sustained by Daily Death

Covenant marriage is not sustained by grand gestures. It is sustained by daily decisions to deny self and choose love.

When one spouse chooses to kill the flesh, it changes the tone of the marriage. When both do it, unity deepens. Peace becomes possible. Trust grows stronger.

Paul knows this is not easy. That is why he frames it within love. Love bears. Love endures. Love stays.

Marriage takes ground when couples stop fighting each other and start fighting the flesh—together.